well...i spent the entire weekend watching the 3rd season of grey's anatomy and now i've got all their songs stuck in me head...one song really struck a chord...here are the lyrics and let me see if i can post the video...

Sleeping At Last - Quicksand

There are wires in between
Human heart and machine.
I will wait for mountains
To tell me youre okay

On paper my future will lay.
Ill fold every failure into a crane.

Trust is quicksand,
Claiming everything I have,
All to give me life, all to give me life.

Slow down, hide your eyes!
The sun is setting fire
Through glass, branches deep.
I cough only to breathe.

Trust is quicksand,
Claiming everything I have,
All to give me life, all to give me life.
One thousand more to go,
Ill send every prayer from below.
I was swallowed by a whale.

Slow down, youre all words
And love is made of yarn.
Scissors,
A slip of the hand, a slip of the tongue;
God knows I meant no harm, I meant no harm.

In between every promise and lie there is a kiss.
In between tempers and suitcases there is a kiss.

In between medicine and the sick there is a kiss.
In between arrows, aim, and release, there is a kiss.

(Anchors in reverse
Lead us back to birth.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jbu_dpeO1O0

well...well...well...

all i can say is....

1) my birthday wish actually came true this year
2) i'm blissfully happy
3) i'm in L-O-V-E...

LOL

yeah i know its been a while since i last blogged...i blame it on work! but anyways here's a little lyrical soundbite before i get to my next heavier post...this song has been on my youtube playlist for the last 2 hours (for obvious reasons) so here goes..

Chris Isaak - Let Me Down Easy

Here she comes
Don’t say anything

At first you smile, then turn away
I’ve been thinking of what I should say
All last night I stayed up dreaming,
I’m still dreaming
I look at you, I’m just a guy
I know my place but still I’ll try
You must be tired of people asking,
But I’m still asking
Please. oh, please let me down easy
Please, just let me down easy

Don’t you hear my heart is calling
You don’t know how hard I’ve fallen for you

Another day, you’re passing by
Today’s the day I’m gonna try
You don’t know how much I’m hoping, how I’m hoping
Please. oh, please let me down easy
Please just let me down easy

Can’t you hear my heart is calling
You don’t know how hard I’ve fallen for you

If you told me to follow you know I’d fly to you,
Here I go, I may fall but I will try
So please, let me down easy
Please, just let me down easy
Please, just let me down easy

If you want me to follow, you know I’ll fly

one of my earlier poems...its amazing how i have come full circle after all these years...the pain and the anguish becomes all one and the same...

gym tai tai - remember this one?

“W”

Waves collide into
Bubbling froth
Sanity collapsing into
Muddled heap

Wheels churning
Endless thoughts
And painful memories
Into sleepless mind

Warrior shielded
With golden armour
Fighting battles
Already lost

Wishing upon bloodied sword
Gore and all its glory
That lost battles were not
Fought in the first place

Waiting in vain
In sorrow and in pain
Waiting, waiting, waiting
For that final fatal blow

this song has been on repeat mode on my player the entire weekend...its kinda old school in a sense but the lyrics really summed up my feelings to a T...


"White Flag" by Dido

I know you think that I shouldn't still love you,
Or tell you that.
But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it
where's the sense in that?

I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I know I left too much mess and
destruction to come back again
And I caused nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of "it's over"
then I'm sure that that makes sense

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

And when we meet
Which I'm sure we will
All that was there
Will be there still
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on....

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

summer is a time
for loving
but i'm all out of love

summer is a time
when i take 1 step forward
and 5 steps back with you

summer is a time
when my longing for you
intensifies with each passing day

summer is a time
when the skies are blue
but the skies in my world are grey

summer is in the month of june..

what's so funny
is that even though
i swore off all relationships
i still fell in love

what's so funny
is that even though
my sea is filled with plenty of fish
i only want that fish
that doesn't want me

what's so funny
is that even though
i told myself not to shed any tears
i still did

what's so funny
is that even though
i was walking
i didn't know where i was going

what's so funny
is that even though
you were there beside me
i could feel the distance between us

what's so funny
is that even though
i knew i had to respect your decision
i still can't bring myself to

what's so funny
is that even though
my alter ego was brave
in reality i wasn't

what's so funny
is that when
you held my hand
i didn't want to let it go

what's so funny
is that when
my lips touched your skin
my heart was touched as well

what's so funny
is that even though
i know its going to hurt like crazy
i will wait for you

A recent spate of events have got me in a reflective mood of late…

No words can really describe the inner turmoil that is churning non-stop the past couple of days…certain hours I feel fine and then I hit rock bottom the next few hours…

On the outside, I have to keep pretending that all is fine and still be the court jester I always am…using humour to mask all emotions and placing another brick in that internal wall surrounding my heart…

On the outside, I keep telling myself that all pain will subside with time, but on the inside, well, like I said, indescribable.

And to compound my misery, I keep hearing these songs on the radio the entire weekend..i think even the most foolish would recognize these signs, no?

Song 1: Creep by Radiohead

Excerpts:
When you were here before
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so fucking special
But I 'm a creep
I 'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here

I don't care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice
When I'm not around
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here

She's running out again
She's running out
She run, run, run run
Run

Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special
But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here
I don't belong here.

Song 2: Why Can’t I Wake Up With You by Take That

Excerpts:
Cant decide if I should read or think
Ill keep an open mind, till the day sets in
Hear you call me, Im so willing to call back
Hear you thinking, hope you hear me thinking too

Why cant I wake up with you
S youre there when I open my eyes
Baby why cant I wake up with you
You’re my life

So good to be near you, so dark when you walk from my side
Baby why cant I wake up with you, you’re my life, you’re my life

Song 3: Unwell by Matchbox 20

All day staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something

Hold on
Feeling like Im headed for a breakdown
And I dont know why

But Im not crazy, Im just a little unwell
I know right now you cant tell
But stay awhile and maybe then youll see
A different side of me
Im not crazy, Im just a little impaired
I know right now you dont care
But soon enough youre gonna think of me
And how I used to be...me

Im talking to myself in public
Dodging glances on the train
And I know, I know theyve all been talking about me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be something wrong with me
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow Ive lost my mind

Ive been talking in my sleep
Pretty soon theyll come to get me
Yeah, theyre taking me away

Yeah, how I used to be
How I used to be
Well, Im just a little unwell
How I used to be
How I used to be
Im just a little unwell

Someone special passed me a magazine over the weekend and then pointed to the no-smoking headlining article and said to me matter-of-factly “It’s a sign”.

So me being me (reading into everything), realized that there were all along plenty of signs but the most obvious has to be this morning when I turned on the radio and heard these 3 songs in a row. I mean, even the most skeptic non-sign believer would agree that these are definitely signs, no? ;p

Song number one: Girlfriend by Avril Lavigne

Excerpts:
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I don’t like your girlfriend! (hmm..actually I quite like her)
No way! No way!
I think you need a new one (definitely)
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I could be your girlfriend

Hey! Hey! You! You!
You know that I like you (ok…I amended this a little)
No way! No way!
No it’s not a secret
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I want to be your girlfriend

[Verse 1]
You’re so fine
I want you mine
You’re so delicious
I think about ya all the time
You’re so addictive
Don’t you know what I could do to make you feel alright?
Don’t you know you’re damn precious (I amended this a little)
And Hell Yeah
I’m the motherfucking princess (???)
I can tell .. (ok I deleted this cos its not very true)

Song number two: Are You Gonna Be My Girl by Jet

Excerpts:
So 1, 2, 3, take my hand and come with me
because you look so fine
and i really wanna make you mine.

I say you look so fine
that I really wanna make you mine.

Oh, 4,5,6 c'mon and get your kicks
now you dont need that money
when you look like that, do ya honey.

Big black boots,
long brown hair,
she's so sweet
with her get back stare.

Well I could see,
you home with me,
but you were with another man, yea!
I know we,
ain't got much to say,
before I let you get away, yea!
I said, are you gonna be my girl?

Song number three: Take Me Home by Sophie Ellis Bextor

Excerpts:
Take me home, take me home
I know another place to be
Take me home, take me home
You deserve a girl like me
Come on I know somewhere
You can unwind
We can just disappear
Now's the time
Take me home, take me home
Only fair I get my way
Take me home, take me home
Oh it's going to happen anyway (maybe not...)
I know what's good for you (i think...)
Don't pass me by
I will look after you
You'll be fine
I'm in heaven I'll show you heaven it's so much heaven
let's make a move
lets leave this world behind
I know you approve by the look in your eyes (again, maybe not..)
I'm in heaven I'll show you heaven It's so much heaven
take me home take me home
I will show you where to walk
take me home take me home
baby let the people talk (hell yeah!)
we'll get away from here
I'm reading your mind
We can just disappear
now's the time
I'm in heaven, I'll show you heaven take me home
Oh, take me home
Oh, take me home
In this moment one night with you (ok..more than one night of course..)
all alone with nothing to lose (i'm not sure about this...)
let's make a move
let's leave this world behind
I know you approve by the look in your eyes (again, maybe not..)
I'm in heaven I'll show you heaven it's so much heaven
Take me home, take me home
Now's the time to follow me
take me home
come and live what ought to be (HELL YEAH!)
take me home take me home

in view of my diminishing memory of late, i've decided to publish a memoir of all the erotic (and not so erotic) moments of my life...starting from my very 1st sexual experience....so in the event i do forget the best years of my life, at least i have some concrete black & white evidence that i HAD a great sex life! ;p

disclaimer: the up and coming blog entries might offend/jolt the memories of a few exes/flings so i will try not to name the people involved and instead address them by their initials...

erotica volume 1 - my very first time...

sometime in 1995, when i was still in secondary 3, i met this gal, JG, one year my junior & resoluted to make her my gf by hook or by crook...i failed miserably my 1st few attempts but when i did succeed, boy, did i get what i asked for! she was not pretty by model standards but she looked great to me...she was cute in an innocent schoolgirl kind of way and back then, whenever she looked my way or wrote me one of her numerous love notes, my heart would skip a beat…

we made it a habit to always go back to her place whenever we were done with school as she lived nearby and her mum would not be at home during the afternoons so we basically had all of the house to ourselves to do whatever we wanted. One hot humid afternoon, we were both lying down on her bed, with our convent uniforms still on, trying to catch a nap. She was caressing my face gently, trying to soothe away the school worries I had for that day, and giving me butterfly kisses on my lips. Somehow, the intensity of our kisses increased along the way, and I can still remember the look on her face when in the heat of the moment, I bit her lip and drew blood. It was a look of longing and it was that look that gave me the courage to gently slip my hand underneath her uniform (which was beltless of course). Tracing the tiny hairs along her stomach, I stopped just slightly below the lining of her bra. Very deftly, I reached behind & managed to unhook her bra in a matter of seconds (till this day, I pride myself on this skill that I swear I was born with). Tossing the bra aside, she let out a barely audible gasp as I fondled both of her abundant breasts with both of my hands. Then like a hungry kitten weaning for the first time, I lay on top of her and started sucking on her brownish pink nipples, alternating between her left and right nipple until both her nipples were wet with my spittle and hard to the touch. Then I proceeded to undress her very gently until she was completely naked except for her underwear. Not knowing what to do next, I clumsily propped an elbow on the pillow and looked at her nubile young body in admiration and anticipation. Then when my gaze paused at her nether regions, she gave me a nod as if telling me to go ahead. Without hesitation, I started to kiss her passionately again and slipped my left hand into her warm and wet pussy. Pushing her curly pubic hairs aside with my fingers, my middle finger then found a spot that would elicit the most sensual of groans from JG when stroked continuously. Not wanting to lose momentum, I ignored my own desires and kept stroking that particular spot till I could feel my entire hand wet with a combination of her cum and sweat. Then suddenly, with a high pitched groan, she came against the palm of my hand, her pussy twitching with vibration after vibration. I then gently withdrew my wet hand and hugged her until she fell asleep with post coital bliss.

The very first time..

i checked out the herstory party last week and was pleasantly surprised at the turnout and surprise, surprise, the entertainment provided. normally the butch hunts and the femme hunts turn out to be orchestrated borefests with horribly cliche performances (although some of the contestants have 'softened' the bore by being deliciously hot eye-candy!) LOL

anyways, as i was saying, last week's sex toys cum lingerie themed party was quite refreshing and cos i got 'front-row seats', managed to get real up close n personal with a couple of the models (aya - you're so hot!). show was good, host was so-so but the sales pitch kinda put me off a lil (nevertheless, it piqued my interest enough to want to visit the shop and get that rabbit toy) crowd was good too...spotted a couple of local 'celebrities' (one shit hot and one so not) and the shit hot one we shall call rt...she's a prof model and has facial features that would put jenny shimizu to shame (i still love you jenny but rt's more within reach ;p) she was dancing so sexily on the platform that i swear there was a queue 2 go dance with her (unfortunately, i didn't try cos well...i could've been sued for molest!)

ok ok, enuff of me drooling n ranting...hang on...one more note about the party...just as i was about to leave, i bumped into this gal whom we shall call g...another one on the shit hot list and the list of so near yet so far....she's obviously got the hots for this other gal (whose a dead ringer for shane - with short hair) so i decided to back off and soak in my alcohol-induced stupour while she danced oh so provocatively with some other friends (whom she met online and whom i think have the hots for her too!) oh well...luck of the spartans...

geez...2 months into the new year and i have yet to stick to any of my new year resolutions....(the very first one was to blog more regularly of course!)

New Year Resolutions

1) Blog more often
2) Kiss random gals more often
3) Lose more weight
4) Quit smoking
5) Stop making friends who have their shrink's number on speed dial
6) Make out in public more often
7) Get rid of my ex-flings' (all 99 of them) numbers in my mobile and replace them with new potential flings' tel numbers

and the list goes on...

another month has gone by since i last updated my blog with recent happenings..

i'm really pissed off cos i found out some detrimental developments at work over the weekend...i can't even be bothered to blog about it cos its way too long and i dun wanna incur the wrath of prying colleagues (who will probably sue if i really let it all out) so we'll just leave it as that...

next topic...

i went to the zouk herstory party about 3 weeks ago and realised how sad the girl scene here in singapore is...there was barely a handful of good-looking gals and the place was so empty that i could hear my own cynical laughter when i found out 3/4 of the good-looking gals were straight! LOL but thank god the entertainment for that evening was Shirlyn & The UnXpected. Shirlyn's (the lead singer) vocals were raw and full of emotion and i loved every single song she sang (my fav was rachael yamagata!). i'm so becoming her groupie! but i think i'm too old to be her groupie though! LOL but not old enough for her to take me home to her bed apparently (i tried wolf whistling n yelling 'take me home' at the top of me lungs but nothing got her attention)...maybe its cos she's into guys (but i've been told i look like a guy SOMETIMES)...oh well! but it was a great night overall cos i made new friends (shoutout to imf gal) and danced the night away with qba & company!

and thank god imf is over - i've worked me ass off the entire period pre & post!

ok...another quick update before i toodle off to another meaningless workday:

1) I'm still hanging out with me cousin (read previous post).
2) I'm still going out almost every night (but am trying to slow down)
3) I went to all the GLBT parties and decided against picking up anyone who looked remotely like they had intimacy issues
4) I watched almost all me new DVDs (Unveiled, Imagine Me & You, Robin Hood)and revisited old ones (Saving Face, L Word Season 1, Foxfire)
5) I stopped becoming a Singapore Idol fanatic when my fav Emily was voted off.
6) I sat in a BMW convertible en route to rochester park with sting blasting from the stereo (shoutout to cheryl)
7) I'm comtemplating picking up knitting instead of sex (shoutout to meredith grey & izzie)
8) Yeah right! ;p

The questions below about Australia are from potential visitors. They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour.

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Harvey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? ( USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does
not... oh forget it. Sure, hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK)
A: You're a British politician, right?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first

this is a tribute to one of my fav characters from lword.

i'll miss you dana!!!!

Wow...its been 2 months since my virgin entry....

Let's just say I was caught up in the vicious everyday cycle of monotony and just didn't have the time nor energy to update my blog...

But here I am again, back to update everyone and anyone (who cares) about whats been happening...

1) I'm still single. (and loving every minute of it)
2) I'm still broke. (world cup betting is E.V.I.L)
3) I'm still working my ass off. (no explanation required)

But the past 2 months have been very interesting to say the least. And I doubt I'd be able to remember all that has happened in one single blog entry but I will try!

1) I got re-acquainted with a cousin whom I found out had gay tendencies. (it runs in the family!)
2) I went out almost every night and survived on an average of 3 hours sleep everyday. (this is to makeup for the 2.5 years of domestication)
3) I went to all the GLBT parties and tried to pick up but failed miserably (unless going to the same toilet cubicle with an ex fling counts as picking up)
4) I either met up or bumped into 4 of my ex-gfs/flings whilst attending the parties mentioned in point 3. (what are the odds???)
5) Out of the 4, 1 was a practising celibate (it was for lent apparently), 1 just said hi and left, 1 pretended she didn't see me, and the last 1...well...let's just say we went to the same toilet cubicle together but that was it!
6) I watched almost every single match of the World Cup (but betted on EVERY match)
7) I watched and re-watched L Word season 3 (I still can't believe they killed Dana!)
8) I became a Singapore Idol fanatic (I went to almost all of the roadshows and studio performances!)
9) I bought a whole bunch of new DVDs (23 in total) but didn't have the time to watch them since I was so engrossed with clubbing and the world cup and trying to pick up (see points 2,3,&6)

So there sums up my life in the past 2 months. I'll be back again if I remember anything else...(the correlation of alcohol and memory is so true in my case!)

hmm...this is the first time i've done anything like this...
its kinda awkward...i've heard about her for a long time but never had the time to get to know her...
on a whim, i found something about her on a website and the more i read, the more i realised i wanted to do her...BADLY!
then today, i made the first move...

i
made
my
very
first
blog
entry

my virgin entry